Reflections on One Year Post-surgery

One of my favorite questions I like to ask people is what stupid thing did you do that caused bodily harm? For me, on the last day of April 2022 I fell in my hallway and injured my foot. I had jsut gone through months of exhaustive physical therapy to return to running from an Achilles tendon injury. I was training for my third marathon. The miles were starting to accumulate. I was feeling good.

This particular morning was a Saturday. I’m often accused of being a little much in the morning. I wake up early. I like double espressos. I had already had a couple by the time my wife woke up. We usually take our dogs on a long walk together. On this morning I was downright out of my fucking mind. I’m bouncing and singing while we’re getting ready. As I go to get my shoes I see toys in the hallway. As I’ve done millions of times I go to kick the toy into the living room and my pivot leg slips. I fall backwards with a lot of force. I hit the back of my head on the ground and my right leg smashes into the door frame of my bathroom.

After the accident I did some searches online and since I suspected I broke a toe, the consensus is there isn’t much you can do. I let it heal. After a few weeks I was back running but it wasn’t the same. In July the middle of my foot starts hurting any time I run. I have to get this checked out. I hate the health care system in the United States. It was here that I got X-rays done and discovered what I already knew, the second toe is broken. However, what was new is that we learned the third toe was broken too! It was broken at the base. It shattered and was rubbing painfully against the tendon. We have an explanation for why I can’t run without pain.

I met with a surgeon and he wasn’t gung-ho on proposing running. He knew he could fix the second toe, but the third toe was at a weird spot where it was going to be a gamble. We tried to let it be for a couple months because he confirmed it wasn’t going to make it worse. His suggestion was get into biking. I tried. I really tried. I hate biking. I love to run. My identity is wrapped up in running. After discussing with my wife, we decided to go with the gamble. One year ago today, I went in for the surgery.

My opinion on the surgery fluctuated based on the proximity to the surgery. On day one when I was still hopped up on the pain medicine I was super happy. The first night when the pain medicine ran its course I cursed the decision. The first four days were awful. The pain medicine they gave for use at home was next to useless. It offered about 45 minutes of relief every four hours. Eventually it did get better. Then as the weeks ticked by and I still had to be bandaged 24/7 I was doubting the decision. At one point I was given guidance that I’d probably be back in shoes in 4-5 weeks. It took 10 weeks. I lost a nail on the second toe that has yet to grow back. Each time I went into the office for the check-up, I’d almost pass out. Eventually the nurses knew me well. I’m the weak guy who can’t handle seeing post-surgery sites!

Now one year out, I think it was the best thing that I ever did. I’m back to running without any pain. In the time I couldn’t move I vowed that if I could run again then I would also focus on everything else that will keep me injury-free. I hate not being able to move and it was torture, so it’s a nice reminder to do my yoga session or my core workout when I’m not feeling it on a particular day.

I also learned that I need to use second-order thinking. If I do X, what is likely to happen. Too many things were delegated to my automated brain functions. I’m more cautious on certain things, but it has not been a detriment to my physical activities. It just means I’m deliberate with my actions and intentions¹.

The one area that I didn’t realize I was going to struggle with so much was professionally. I’m used to being the guy who can swoop in and get things across the finish line. The surgery coincided with a major project that I was working on. The go-live was in March and training was scheduled in January, February, and March. Since I couldn’t even wear a shoe, the travel required wasn’t going to happen. I had to trust my team. They showed me that I could step back. I’ve continued to work on that and I think it’s improving. I can’t be everyone all at once, so delegation is key. The surgery has helped me go down a path where I’m growing as a leader.

This was a doozy of a learning experience for me. I’m sure there are more things that are going to come out of it.